etymology

[you ll have to scroll down to the footnotes as and when they appear]

“Tombstoning”:

Per Merriam-Webster:

1. (Identity theft or) using dead peoples' names for committing financial fraud and identity theft.

2. An extreme sport involving diving off a fixed point such as sea harbour walls, bridges, rocks and cliff faces into water.

Per Bhargava’s[1] Dictionary of the Weird and Wonderful, with Free Semitic[2] Meanings, by Akshay Kumar Blackbelt[3].

TWO MEANINGS:

1) Identity Card theft.

The origins of this meaning date back from ancient times of famous EMPEROR Akbar and his handsome and witful minister Birbal (actually he was of Hindu religion). One time there was great panic and unrest in the kingdom of Akbar. Word was that there was an evil and merciless thief of Identity Cards who would steal in broad daylight from pockets of people! Naturally there was much worry in the citizens; one or two even committed self-molestation[4] in protest. Akbar, who was a wise and caring ruler, was also worried. He consulted Birbal on the matter, who, after only one minute of thought and stroking his moustache (his own moustache, not Akbar’s) had a solution. Next day, Akbar in disguise of a man who looked like he had Identity Card strolled casually into the marketplace. Naturally, thief saw him and proceeded to steal Identity Card from his pocket. Little did he know that in fact it was not an identity card but wise Birbal in disguise of Identity Card! Jumping out at the evil thief, Birbal stabbed him in the heart and killed him. The thief was a Christian fellow by the name of Jackson, hence he was buried and they put tombstone etc. on his grave.

2) Jumping off Cliffs.

There are two possible origins of this meaning.

One dates back to the ancient times of famous Emperor of now what is in modern day known as Afghanistan. He had strong and ferocious bodyguards who were highly trained in the art of killing people. But in times of no conflict bodyguards had no work to do hence they took up habit of smoking Cannabis (in India it is known as Ganja, Charas, etc.; there is also Bhang which one consumes with milk and sugar, especially in the time of Holi festival) and sometimes it made them so happy that they would jump off cliffs with great joy. In their language the Ganja was called HASHISH so the bodyguards were called HASISHIs[5]. This happily jumping practice continued until the evil Britishers came to the Indian subcontinent. Mercilessly, they banned consumption of Ganja, charas, etc, and forced everyone to drink gin and tonic instead. Now the Hashishis continued jumping off cliffs etc but they found it to be no fun without consumption of Ganja and died very sadly at bottoms of cliffs. Because the Britishers wanted to convert people (even dead ones also) they put them in graves and put tombstone etc on them.

Second origin is coming from the habit of small cute furry animals called Lemmings[6]. Lemmings also sometimes jump off cliffs into the sea, especially after the mating seasons. Walt Disney company wanted to make a movie on this but it was not in time of mating season of the Lemmings they put lots of Lemmings on small merry go rounds and then chased the confused Lemmings off cliffs and made documentary with video clip of last part. However, this evil practice was exposed and Mr. Diwakar (then MD of Walt Disney Company and illegitimate son of Mr. Walter Disney) was so ashamed that he also jumped off cliff and died. Because he was of Christian Religion (even though he had the Hindu name) they put him in a grave and put tombstone etc. on it. Many children who watched Mr. Diwakar’s Walt Disney cartoons are gravely influenced by his jumping and they think it is ‘cool’ in the western culture, so they jump off cliffs from time to time.
[1] Please buy our BHARGAVA’S HINDI-ENGLISH DICTONARY.
[2] Ed: We are not sure what this means. It either means (i) word origins, (ii) Jewish persons or (iii) vampire.
[3] Ed: Please do not confuse with Bollywood superstar Akshay Kumar WHO IS a Blackbelt. Please do not file law suit etc against us for misrepresentation, fraud etc. because you thought this book was written by Akshay Kumar WHO IS a Blackbelt. It is not. Also please buy our unabridged ‘Bhargava’s Dictionary of the Weird and Wonderful...’ which has foreword by Ramiz Raja (famous Pakistani cricket player and legendary cricket commentator).
[4] Ed: This means burning oneself. It happened in time of Mandal Commission Report also.
[5] Ed: This is also source of English word ASSASSINS. There is a movie by the name also starring Hollywood superstar Antonio Banderas but actually he is more sexy in movie ORIGINAL SIN (starring Angelina Jolie)
[6] Ed: We do not get them in India, only in foreign

chain mail

i'd forgotten about having written this a couple of years back

Basha is, by the way, the beloved net centre guy in college.
------------------------------------------------------------

dearest friends,

Please take a minute out of your busy work schedules
and read the small story below.

it is a true life story.

Basha is a carefree young man, loved for his
enthusiasm and his endearing one liners. With his
striking good looks and personal charm he was loved by
all who knew him. A peace abiding man, he worked as a
Computer Administrator in a Law College. In his spare
time he wrote short stories for children and played
the flute (baasuri).

....does all this sound familiar? it gets worse, dear
friends... please read on...

On one weekday - not too long back - Basha woke up and
after his customary prayers and ablutions, reported to
his work place at nine o clock, sharp, as has always
been his practice. On his way be helped an old lady
carry a load of sticks but still made it on time to
his work place.

At about 10:30 am Basha was sitting at his desk.
Listening to his favourite songs from Chiru's new
movie (Vastala Pumpistanu Rundi) he was contemplating
his new plaster of paris model of subhas chandra bose.
(Basha is also a talented sculptor, who makes special
models of freedom fighters). All of a sudden he heard
loud cries of "A/C ON NAHI KAR SAKTA KYA
B**NCH**TH?!!" and "SAALA INTERNET KO GAAND MEIN GHUSA
LO!!"

Before the startled young man had a chance to even
blink his eyes (like limpid pools they were) a pair of
hooligans had jumped at him and proceeded to smash a
computer monitor on his unsuspecting face and
attempted to feed him a mouse pad. To add injury to
(injury) they dropped a 1000 pound Xerox workstation
on his face.

Basha, miraculously, survived the assault. However,
even his loving wife has severe problems looking at
his once handsome face and has run off to her parents
house in Mahaboobnagar.

Basha requires extensive plastic surgery in order to
restore him to even a shadow of the man he was.

Have a heart... do the right thing... send this to all
your friends... for every mail send Microsoft will pay
an amount of $.37 to THE BASHA FACE FUND.

thanking you for your time, dear friends,

siddharth.

self explanatory.

haha.



cute ha. no?



im not sure what they're getting at.

espionage

without meaning to be racist i can swear to the fact that the picture above(discreetly taken) is of a 100 japanese gentlemen inspecting a form of some kind.

if you dont find this sort of thing funny i apologise. please dont ask me to ''explain the joke'' or somesuch.

few very ugly objects. please enjoy.

1) what the fuck is this?



2) this had JUNGLE PATTERNED seat covers to boot

3) psychotic teddy bear