etymology

[you ll have to scroll down to the footnotes as and when they appear]

“Tombstoning”:

Per Merriam-Webster:

1. (Identity theft or) using dead peoples' names for committing financial fraud and identity theft.

2. An extreme sport involving diving off a fixed point such as sea harbour walls, bridges, rocks and cliff faces into water.

Per Bhargava’s[1] Dictionary of the Weird and Wonderful, with Free Semitic[2] Meanings, by Akshay Kumar Blackbelt[3].

TWO MEANINGS:

1) Identity Card theft.

The origins of this meaning date back from ancient times of famous EMPEROR Akbar and his handsome and witful minister Birbal (actually he was of Hindu religion). One time there was great panic and unrest in the kingdom of Akbar. Word was that there was an evil and merciless thief of Identity Cards who would steal in broad daylight from pockets of people! Naturally there was much worry in the citizens; one or two even committed self-molestation[4] in protest. Akbar, who was a wise and caring ruler, was also worried. He consulted Birbal on the matter, who, after only one minute of thought and stroking his moustache (his own moustache, not Akbar’s) had a solution. Next day, Akbar in disguise of a man who looked like he had Identity Card strolled casually into the marketplace. Naturally, thief saw him and proceeded to steal Identity Card from his pocket. Little did he know that in fact it was not an identity card but wise Birbal in disguise of Identity Card! Jumping out at the evil thief, Birbal stabbed him in the heart and killed him. The thief was a Christian fellow by the name of Jackson, hence he was buried and they put tombstone etc. on his grave.

2) Jumping off Cliffs.

There are two possible origins of this meaning.

One dates back to the ancient times of famous Emperor of now what is in modern day known as Afghanistan. He had strong and ferocious bodyguards who were highly trained in the art of killing people. But in times of no conflict bodyguards had no work to do hence they took up habit of smoking Cannabis (in India it is known as Ganja, Charas, etc.; there is also Bhang which one consumes with milk and sugar, especially in the time of Holi festival) and sometimes it made them so happy that they would jump off cliffs with great joy. In their language the Ganja was called HASHISH so the bodyguards were called HASISHIs[5]. This happily jumping practice continued until the evil Britishers came to the Indian subcontinent. Mercilessly, they banned consumption of Ganja, charas, etc, and forced everyone to drink gin and tonic instead. Now the Hashishis continued jumping off cliffs etc but they found it to be no fun without consumption of Ganja and died very sadly at bottoms of cliffs. Because the Britishers wanted to convert people (even dead ones also) they put them in graves and put tombstone etc on them.

Second origin is coming from the habit of small cute furry animals called Lemmings[6]. Lemmings also sometimes jump off cliffs into the sea, especially after the mating seasons. Walt Disney company wanted to make a movie on this but it was not in time of mating season of the Lemmings they put lots of Lemmings on small merry go rounds and then chased the confused Lemmings off cliffs and made documentary with video clip of last part. However, this evil practice was exposed and Mr. Diwakar (then MD of Walt Disney Company and illegitimate son of Mr. Walter Disney) was so ashamed that he also jumped off cliff and died. Because he was of Christian Religion (even though he had the Hindu name) they put him in a grave and put tombstone etc. on it. Many children who watched Mr. Diwakar’s Walt Disney cartoons are gravely influenced by his jumping and they think it is ‘cool’ in the western culture, so they jump off cliffs from time to time.
[1] Please buy our BHARGAVA’S HINDI-ENGLISH DICTONARY.
[2] Ed: We are not sure what this means. It either means (i) word origins, (ii) Jewish persons or (iii) vampire.
[3] Ed: Please do not confuse with Bollywood superstar Akshay Kumar WHO IS a Blackbelt. Please do not file law suit etc against us for misrepresentation, fraud etc. because you thought this book was written by Akshay Kumar WHO IS a Blackbelt. It is not. Also please buy our unabridged ‘Bhargava’s Dictionary of the Weird and Wonderful...’ which has foreword by Ramiz Raja (famous Pakistani cricket player and legendary cricket commentator).
[4] Ed: This means burning oneself. It happened in time of Mandal Commission Report also.
[5] Ed: This is also source of English word ASSASSINS. There is a movie by the name also starring Hollywood superstar Antonio Banderas but actually he is more sexy in movie ORIGINAL SIN (starring Angelina Jolie)
[6] Ed: We do not get them in India, only in foreign

chain mail

i'd forgotten about having written this a couple of years back

Basha is, by the way, the beloved net centre guy in college.
------------------------------------------------------------

dearest friends,

Please take a minute out of your busy work schedules
and read the small story below.

it is a true life story.

Basha is a carefree young man, loved for his
enthusiasm and his endearing one liners. With his
striking good looks and personal charm he was loved by
all who knew him. A peace abiding man, he worked as a
Computer Administrator in a Law College. In his spare
time he wrote short stories for children and played
the flute (baasuri).

....does all this sound familiar? it gets worse, dear
friends... please read on...

On one weekday - not too long back - Basha woke up and
after his customary prayers and ablutions, reported to
his work place at nine o clock, sharp, as has always
been his practice. On his way be helped an old lady
carry a load of sticks but still made it on time to
his work place.

At about 10:30 am Basha was sitting at his desk.
Listening to his favourite songs from Chiru's new
movie (Vastala Pumpistanu Rundi) he was contemplating
his new plaster of paris model of subhas chandra bose.
(Basha is also a talented sculptor, who makes special
models of freedom fighters). All of a sudden he heard
loud cries of "A/C ON NAHI KAR SAKTA KYA
B**NCH**TH?!!" and "SAALA INTERNET KO GAAND MEIN GHUSA
LO!!"

Before the startled young man had a chance to even
blink his eyes (like limpid pools they were) a pair of
hooligans had jumped at him and proceeded to smash a
computer monitor on his unsuspecting face and
attempted to feed him a mouse pad. To add injury to
(injury) they dropped a 1000 pound Xerox workstation
on his face.

Basha, miraculously, survived the assault. However,
even his loving wife has severe problems looking at
his once handsome face and has run off to her parents
house in Mahaboobnagar.

Basha requires extensive plastic surgery in order to
restore him to even a shadow of the man he was.

Have a heart... do the right thing... send this to all
your friends... for every mail send Microsoft will pay
an amount of $.37 to THE BASHA FACE FUND.

thanking you for your time, dear friends,

siddharth.

self explanatory.

haha.



cute ha. no?



im not sure what they're getting at.

espionage

without meaning to be racist i can swear to the fact that the picture above(discreetly taken) is of a 100 japanese gentlemen inspecting a form of some kind.

if you dont find this sort of thing funny i apologise. please dont ask me to ''explain the joke'' or somesuch.

few very ugly objects. please enjoy.

1) what the fuck is this?



2) this had JUNGLE PATTERNED seat covers to boot

3) psychotic teddy bear

death of the long form

Frigidaire
Facsimile
Perquisite

and I got all those spellings right the first time around

hurrah

(pointless)

Young Siddharth’s Brave Adventures in the State of Bengal

Not quite so long ago, our dear protagonist was informed by his lord and master that he would have to take part in what is commonly termed as a DUE DILIGENCE which would involve travel to the state of Golden Bengal. Gleefully, our youthful prot. clapped his hands (metaphorically) and packed his bags (actually) and set off for the land of Tagore the Howrah Bridge Durga Puja Eden Gardens with its 150,000 crazed fans british era heritage british era leftovers walking around british era heritage again only this time with cheap posters and underwear hanging off of it. Calcutta.

Three days from the time that would be indicated in the afore paragraph Young Sid finds his life a blur consisting of 9 hours of crunching away at a computer and a few hours in front of the tv at the Taj drinking overpriced undersized beer. DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME. Young Sid enjoyed the pointless routine in that people were nice to him and that faceless clients paid for his underwear getting laundered and returning with roses pinned on them BUT

But somewhere inside our dear P, something was burning. Call it the spirit of freewill. Or the restlessness of an erratic genius. The grim sense of realization that dawns upon great people like the late great Che and the current Young Sid.

Peering out the window at the gaudy filthy bustling alleys and the clouded evening sky young sid decides that Enough is Enough. With a great sense of purpose he heads out the office for a Walk and a Cigarette break.

Once outside, YS sees many things that please and interest him. For the first time in three days he finds himself not the very centre of attention by virtue of his very presence. Taxis oxen pavement dwellers chair merchants and tanpura makers manage to find an equilibrium of peaceful coexistence despite their otherwise divergent purposes in life. As an enterprising fellow attempts to sell passers by a plastic chair or two, a child the size of a football shits off the pavement and onto the road as the mother and extended family nonchalantly continue with their range of non-activities.

Lighting a cigarette, our dapper protagonist strides up the road. Smiling to himself. The potent combination sights sounds and smells that Calcutta has to offer to him has resulted in the penning of a small historo-anthropological masterpiece in sid’s mind. He walks on.

TWO MINUTES or FIFTY METRES from his office it starts to rain. Not the gentle, loving rain that caresses the faces of youthful lovers in sweet stories of love, dear reader, no. The skies Open and our hero is forced to take refuge under a thin sheet of tin whose presence in life is totally unexplained except for the fact that it offers relative shelter at times such as these. Sid squeezes himself under with what seems to him as half the male population of Calcutta and continues to smile beatifically and puff at his somewhat soggy cigarette from time to time.

An old man wearing a vest and a lungi and carrying a very large sack of Something That Would Be Rather Important to His Life and Livelihood tries to find himself a place under the makeshift shelter. There is none. Our sid, being the kind hearted fellow that he is, decides that this old gent needs shelter more than he does, and, with true corporate-lawyer-style chivalry (social responsibility) streaks across the road to find an alternative. Five seconds and a wet shirt later sid finds himself in a large red post office. A musty remnant of the colonial era currently occupied by a number of soggy Bengalis patiently waiting for the rain to subside.

A cheeky stream of water starts to slide down the back of Sid’s you know what and the beatific smile loses itself for a few seconds.

His polite enquiry for a postcard is met with an old lady screaming at him from behind the counter and no postcard being transacted.

Fifteen minutes later sid finds himself doing what he was doing fifteen minutes earlier and small visions of empty office unfinished work angry client and general unemployment emerge and bother our dear hero.

Another five minutes of the general misery suggested above convince our turbulent genius that Enough is Enough (again). Bursting out the post office he skids around the corner of the pavement skitting up the road in a nimble dash that might just have left Jesse Owens breathless. Jumping from patches to pavement still relatively unbothered by water, to piles of roadside debris Sid manages to keep his suitably expensive leather shoes relatively safe. YOU STILL HAVE IT IN YOU, YOU OLD SOD!! HAHA!! our intrepid protagonist jubilantly tells himself as he jumps off the footpath and into a recently formed stream of Very Healthily Black Water.

Young Sid sees his shoes and the area approximately four inches above his shoes disappear. His spotless white shirt is now horrifically transparent, his hair plastered around his face. Walking up to the office looking like a strange variety of pornstar his shoes go Galomph Galomph with the nice water from the street. (In keeping with the spirit of factually accurate reportage, your humble servant must add as an aside that our hero had jumped into the black rivulet just a few metres downstream from the little pavement dweller kid’s shitspot).

Staring pointedly at nothing at particular above him, our hero manages to successfully navigate through Very Bewildered Stares to his cabin and proceeds to take his shoes and socks off for a meeting or two with assorted managers and vice presidents.

fin.

free flow

bhaskaran ranjith chanced upon a small fly and with great joy he proceeded to beat it with a drumstick that he just whacked off a small boy sitting by the side of a road waiting for a bus with a drumstick until the drumstick got whacked by mr ranjith (who was using it for purposes already indicated) but sadly for mr ranjith concealed behind an innocuous coconut tree watching him was The Great Kuldip from the friendly neighbourhood PETA action force who was very much incensed by mr ranjiths senseless beating of fly so therefore he (The Great Kuldip) with blood curdling war-cry learnt from Japan TV international sprung with enviable agility at mr ranjith knocking him out with one swift blow before decapitating him with a blunt kitchen knife ok the end no actually it is not because the fly who was very upset with mr ranjiths harsh actions decided to utilise his contacts and a few minutes later beelzebub and his delightful companions declared APocalypse Now and that was the end of all our dear friends all abovementioned and the whole world as well except mr ranjith whose end had come as indicated above before the final end the end is now. this. over.

myrmeleontidae

today i was studying on football field in morning when i am having great pleasure of observing ANTLOIN (1 no.)

kindly see below picture (2 nos.)




antloin


antloin trap. not trap for antloin but trap created by antloin. antloin is hiding inside. i am not joking.


actually what is being viewed by you, dear reader, is antloin baby or what is called LARVA. simply i dont want to confuse with technical terminlogy so i will call it antloin. antloin baby. no, loin baby.

anyway. i am walking the field with these fellows anup and iman and i see this little fellow (by which i mean i see hole or trap which has little fellow) so very excitedly i go in search of an ant. these fellows also i convice as to beauty of this creation of nature so we all go in search of an ant. except the ANTLOIN all of us go searching. you see irony? haha.

anyway

i found many ants which bravely fought to keep their freedom so i let them go

finally i dropped one ant into trap.

he is stuggling frantically to get out sand is falling from under his legs miniature avalanch happens and the fellow cant get out

within two seconds our hero has put his pincers through the bottom of the pit and like a

HURRICANE he has seized poor ant. ant is paralysed. within five seconds ant has been dragged into pit.

within few hours ant's carcass will be tossed out, sucked dry, by antloin baby.

i am not joking. marvels of nature.

---------------------------------------------

acknowledgements:
the pictures have been obtained from the wikipedia page on antlions, which, in addition to good photography has a lot of interesting stuff on antlions. all of the above is true. the lion baby grows up to sprout wings and become something that looks like a damsel fly. interested? visit this.

it was, as represented above, a beautiful morning. in additions to the creatures mentioned above i also observed several small green bee-eaters, one white breasted kingfisher, several seven sisters, one spotted owlet, one wagtail male ( i think), one indian robin male (i think),and several sparrows. pity i had to mug for my exam.

caveat/ disclaimer

hello, ive posted a couple of poems below, the usual tacky stuff
except that theyre not even funny this time around

by way of a clarification - recurring themes and perhaps titles are intentional

rao