I love Shatone and other awesome Shahnaz Husain products

That's Shatone, Shatex, Shagrain, Shagrow and Shagloss.

I love Gokul Santol

An Ode to IPL Season 3

Danny Morrison: Oh! And that’s beautifully put away by Kohli; yet another six – and that brings the youngster’s total to 63 off just 38 balls… are we going to see young Kohli rescue the Challengers or is it far…

Lakshman Sivaramakrishnan (sulkily): Almost got the MRF balloon.

DM: What?

LS: The six. The ball almost hit the MRF balloon.

DM: AH YES! THE MRF Balloon! Shiv, Did You Know that MRF is the pioneer of Rubber Blimps in India?!

LS: What?! No! Really?!

DM: I kid you not. And did you know that Mamman Mapillai started the company that has become the leading manufacturer of rubber tyres in India with just a rubber tyre and a dead bandicoot?!

LS: You’re talking about the founder of Maxx Mobiles you idiot.

DM: What? Oh yes! Maxx mobiles of MAXX MOBILE TIMEOUT fame. I really feel compelled to buy an awesome Maxx Mobile every time there’s one of those.

(DM and LS sit silently moved by the awesomeness of Maxx Mobile Time Out while Balachandra Akhil executes a perfect pull that gets him his second DLF Maximum in the over)

DM: A Citi Moment of Success there! The total…

LS: Is Maxx spelt with a triple X?

DM: What?

LS: A triple X. Like Jamie Foxxx.

DM: HAHA! Shiv, you watch too much porn on the sly. Ha ha.

RAVI SHASTRI: HI GUYS! PLANT A TREE! PREVENT GLOBAL WARNING!

DM: Oo! Look! The MRF blimp is flashing! Ravi, stop shouting.  

LS:  WHO IS FLASHING WHAT?

DM: The lights on the MRF blimp, you perv.

(Silence. Kohli abuses T Suman and the leg umpire weeps in the corner. Ryan Harris runs in to bowl while images of Viru and Gauti giggling and fondling each other and a Karbonn Dual Sim phone are played on screens around the ground.)

RAVI SHASTRI: HI GUYS! DO YOU LIKE MY SEXY SUNGLASSES? I GOT THEM FROM CHEEKA WHO SHOUTS EVEN LOUDER THAN I DO.

CHEEKA: I SAY! CHENNAI SUPER KINGS ARE ONLY …  

DM: CSK isn’t playing today Cheeka. But while we’re on the subject of Chennai - CHENNAI is home to one of the best bowling academies in the world!! ….

DM, LS, RS, CHEEKA (joyful chorus): THE MRF PACE ACADEMY!

Harsha Bhogle: Hey guys. Has anyone seen my hair?

LS: Sunny stole it.

deconstructing Ramu Kaka

Is it just my imagination, or do fifty percent of all hindi movies made between 1980 and 1995 contain a Ramu Kaka character? 

A Ramu kaka is an old benevolent man-servant whose pathos filled wrinkled face is designed to drive viewers to tears simply by looking at it.  His role usually consists of hanging around wearing a dhoti and a white shirt or a kurta with a small (chequered) towel draped over one shoulder. Most of the time he walks around with a tray serving tea but in times of crisis (when, for example, the heroine's parents have estranged her over her choice of boyfriend (the hero)) he serves as a source of emotional support and kindly wisdom.

Ramu kaka usually refers to the heroine as bitiya.

Ramu kakas are also, invariably, dudes who've 'been with the family' for decades. Bitiya has probably known him forever and RK has been an integral part of her palan-poshan. Because this is India and not the USA the bitiya has not had problems that involve kaka pinching money from her piggy bank or instances of sexual harrassment from the then young and hormone filled 

kaka. (At what stage is it appropriate to start calling Ramu a kaka?)

Ramu kaka is also, mostly, a widower. I suspect this is mainly because script writers think it would be a dilution of kaka's character to have a benevolent old female hanging around in a pathos-filled manner as well, but anyway.  

A very important part of kaka's character is his loyalty to his employers - Ramu usually has two adult children who've managed to become successful (taxi owner in Mumbai and railway officer in Panipat) - but chooses to continue mucking about in the kitchen and serve people tea because he likes it, instead of leading a peaceful retired life (funded by his successful children) pimpin' about in rural UP. 

What does kaka mean?

We were once, while in school, watching 'Aandhi' in the AV-room, as part of our structured weekend entertainment. Aandhi (I thought at the time that this meant 'blind' but apparently it means something else that is a little more relevant to the theme of the movie)  is an old famous hindi movie that became even more famous because Indira Gandhi didn't like it. Apparently this was because the movie was based on Indira's life - to drive the point home subtly they even gave the heroine an Indira Gandhi hairstyle, skunk-stripe and all.  Anyway. This movie has a Ramu kaka character (who fulfils most of the criteria listed above).

While watching the movie, my friend Pranav was dwelling on the meaning of the word and decided to ask Ishan (hindi expert) for assistance. Kaka was, in the meantime, hanging around on-screen, looking positively tragic for no reason at all.

Pranav (to Ishan): Hey aggi. What does 'kaka' mean?

Ishan (pensively): Shit. 

We all found this very funny and laughed a lot and Satyajit Sir (who was screening the movie) yelled at us to stop being philistines and watch the movie in a civil manner. A short while after this, Sanjeev Kumar (the hero) appeared on screen running on a hillock while the beginning notes of a song played in the background. We laughed lots again (not because we thought of Feroze Gandhi running in slow motion; we weren't that sophisticated) and Satyajit Sir got very pissed off again. 

I tried to find a Ramu kaka picture to post here but couldn't. You can have a picture of sunil joshi and co looking sexy instead. 

Addendum:
Veena very kindly found some Ramu kaka pictures for me, so here they are:

I don't know what the dude is saying. Here's another one:

 

lines that really smooth guys use to impress girls

All these are taken from a real pro.

Pro: "Hey babe. wats ur fave buk"
-
Pro: "Yeah, I luv dat too. Seen da muvi?"
-
Pro: "Yeah. U seen da muiv? It's got mishelle fifer in it --- she's so hot... LOLZ"
-
Pro: "Yeah.... tru... Bt not as hot as U.....LOLZ"
-
Pro: "LOLZ...I'm crazy abt U....".
-

----
See? Subtle shift to bold flattery, display of love for culture and the arts and constant reminders of light and humourous nature (lolz).

No wonder i'm so popular with girls.

Feb 2009

etymology

I sometimes wonder about the phrase 'tongue-in-cheek'. I find it impossible to say anything coherently with a tongue in my cheek.

Kids Kemp

I just saw a man in a chimpanzee suit having a very serious conversation with a security guard

The Body Shop #2

At a recent visit to the Body Shop (see link) i purchased for myself a tremendously attractive nail clipper (‘RAAJ’). RAAJ is small, made of thick brushed steel and has extremely appealing contours (even for a nail clipper). With this purchase I have escaped the all pervasive Korean 'Bell' nail clipper, which I had no problems with really, apart from the fact that they tended to rust alarmingly fast. I do not wish to die of Tetanus. RAAJ doesn't cut nails too well though.

The Body Shop

Yesterday i went to the Body Shop and bought a cadaver for 20 rupees. He's called Romy

Sax

Has it ever struck anyone that

Kadri Gopalnath and

Kenny G

have the same initials?

Aasum

Also, since no post that's called Sax is complete without mention of our very own Very Very Sexman (VVS Lax-man), here he is, displaying his masterful batting

"Can lawyers predict the future?"

Which lawyer needs to fear the recession with tits like this around.